Reason #2

I'm bored with life. Actually, that's to mild. I am disgusted by my life. There I said it. Its hard for my friends (if I had any) and family to understand that remark. Their response is simple, "how"? Its a great big wonderful world, full of treasure and excitement. How in heavens name can I be bored, let alone disgusted? Its a fair question. I live in a place and time whose values are the opposite of mine. I don't hunt, fish, like the outdoors, church, or sports. Those are the treasured values here. My pastimes are more intellectual than activity based. Books, movies, music, all intellectual activities are what I like. And here they are not valued. Also, my life hasn't worked out to what I hoped. I had hoped at this stage of the game I would be able to work less and enjoy more. As is, I now have to work more than I ever have for the money I was earning in 1999. Don't get me wrong, over $50,000 dollars is not bad. But its still what I was making twelve years ago and over 20% less than what I made six years ago. I am just now starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel for medical bills from my wife's brain surgery eleven years ago. That's over $400,000 dollars. And my wife is not the same woman who I married. Lets be honest. My wife doesn't like me. She thinks I am a godless, sinful, wreck of a man who hates God. In short, I am unhappy with life. I am intellectually, financially, spiritually, and emotionally broke.

I need a distraction. A release from where and who I am in life. I can understand how wanting to make a new language can come off as a bit of a vanity project. All the work to create, no reason beyond simple desire. No intention to share or publicize it. But I need to keep myself occupied for no reason than to avoid losing my sanity. I need to find a reason, any reason to be engaged in life.

Call this "a metal health stimulus" project. After all if I go crazy who will take care of the dog?

Meet Princess. My number one reason for getting up in the morning.